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Not Doing Things Right The First Time

by GØDWIN

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1.
sitting alone in my room 03:53
lyrics
bright screen, home light smoking every night write a song, nothing's right (don't miss a beat) nothing's wrong sleeping, cold feet winter, lonely in this new light this time, not right (don't miss you at all) overnight overnight overnight up at midnight something's not right so why am i so willing to incite? the slate, i'll wipe until it's white but don't excite me big turns, big changes forward, new lanes in this new light this time, it's not right
2.
house sounds 03:11
lyrics
i need fresh air stuck inside inside this house is where i tried to follow you to no avail tried to figure things out and i failed x2 i need fresh air stuck inside inside these walls is where i hide your disgust is clear as day but there's no daylight here blow the cobwebs away i need fresh air stuck inside inside this house is where i tried to make things right i know i'm wrong couldn't figure things out i won't last long i need fresh air i'm stuck inside inside this house is where i died i follow you you know me well tried to figure things out and i failed
3.
voyeurist 04:32
4.
in my nature 02:36
lyrics
it's in my nature to sit home alone in my room it's in my nature to not do anything new it's in my nature to sit home alone in my room it's in my nature to be here thinking of you (dont question it, it's in my nature...)
5.
outside 04:34
lyrics
i have something to look forward to cuz i have nothing else to do i'd forget about everyone i knew except you i'd go any time or place just so I could see your face but i know that you need more space so we could go outside i love every scar you have you don't need to be ashamed and for any tiny thing we had i don't want you to feel the blame rip my heart out of my chest cuz i can't handle your best just don't leave me with the rest let's just go outside if i told you i loved you right here would you love me back or disappear i'll never ever stop loving you, dear and if it gets weird we could go outside i'm walking away from something good but it's a nice day to be misunderstood i can fantasize that when we stabilize we can go outside, but now i'm paralyzed with fear i'll hold you in my grasp savoring every gasp but i don't wanna be denied no i'll hold you in my grasp savoring every gasp but i don't wanna be denied cuz it's cold outside
6.
fight 04:55
lyrics
i can't do this cuz i don't wanna fight with you i said i like things the way they are but we both know that isn't true x2 i still love you but do you? now i'm filled with doubt i don't wanna turn into someone like the men that you talk about x2
7.
fool for you 04:27
lyrics
you're in pieces on the floor can you feel the breeze through the door every word shakes me to the core but you don't feel the way i do i'm a fool for you (i'm a fool for you) i can still feel your aftertaste all these feelings since our last embrace but i can see it in your face you may not feel the way I do i'm a fool for you (fool for you) resting in the awkward moments in between saying words that we might not mean but if you pretend it's true, that i'm the one for you you might feel the way i do i'm a fool for you (fool for you) when i see you with all the other guys it hurts a little bit, i can't lie but if it ever changes, we can give it a try cuz i'm over us, but i'm not over you i'm a fool for you so close yet so far away staying hopeful on a later day when maybe feelings can be swayed but i wish, how i pray that you'll turn around and stay (fool for you) so close yet so far away staying hopeful on a later day when maybe feelings can be swayed but i wish, how i pray that you'll turn around and stay
8.
any easier 04:31
lyrics
when i look at you, i see myself growing colder and colder inside trying anything, just for my health but god knows i've tried and i've tried and i've tried nothing works, it never ends i guess i need, some new friends somebody new does it ever get any easier? all the time, i think of you wondering what it's like in your head i wonder if you think it too wishing and hoping that you were dead don't think like that, even if i do even when you can't get out of bed we try so hard does it ever get any easier? every day it's the same shit growing harder and harder each day what i need, is to recommit maybe what i need, is to try to pray pray for you, don't try to quit say to god the things you don't know how to say hoping it takes the pain away in 30 years, so many miles apart no, i don't really see you i still think of you, hold you in my heart because that's what best friends do any struggle, we can face we'll always find a way through i'll always watch, even from afar because your victories are mine too cuz if I can do it so can you i promise it'll get easier
9.
on purpose 04:53
lyrics
just checking in making sure that everything's alright i'm worried about you i think about it nearly every night i don't know how to help you i need to start with myself i don't wanna be a burden i'll try... i'll try to be happy on purpose i'll put in the effort today even if it makes me nervous i'll try to push the pain away x2 i have regrets things I wish I would have said but I can't worry living in the past, I'm as good as dead x2 i'll try to be happy on purpose i'll put in the effort today even if it makes me nervous i'll try to push the pain away pain doesn't last forever but neither will we better late than never I'll fix it, then we'll see
10.
prayer 03:44
info

about

this album was written and recorded between november 2016 and may 2017. this was shortly following the worst bout of depression i'd had since i was a teenager. realizing that i had been not working on music, not applying myself at work, and generally feeling sorry for myself i started to try to remedy the situation. music has always been therepeutic for me, and when i went back to working on it i found myself making music that didn't sound like anything i had ever worked on before, music that channeled all the stuff i had been feeling for months. i used lyrical ideas i had been writing down and keeping and making tracks with vocals on them, something very new to me.

this album is the most personal piece of art i've ever put together, and the very sudden stylistic shift was a marker of a new style of music for me. in general i felt as if i was moving into a new "era" of my life in general, so a new alias felt appropriate. i never released a full album as "needless noise", though i had worked on one since before the first needless noise ep had even dropped. listening back to the unfinished demos i had worked on for years, i didn't find myself connected to it anymore. maybe it was the depression, maybe it was listening back over them hundreds of times and driving myself crazy, but i didn't feel any need to finish and complete the needless noise album. so i moved on from it and decided on a new alias to mark the new era in my music and life.

today i'm doing a lot better than i was 8 months ago when i started this album. things are looking a lot brighter. i started therapy, started anti-depressants, and have started to actually try to work on my mental health. compiling this album and putting these negative feelings into music feel like i'm putting a bookend on that part of my life, exorcising the demons of negativity by channeling them into art. i'm still not there yet, and maybe i never will be, maybe it's an ongoing life struggle, but i'm at peace with that. i think feeling in control of one's mental and emotional state is important for everyone, and i hope this album can inspire others to dig themselves out of their holes as well.

credits

released June 10, 2017

songwriting, instrumentation, production, and vocals by Jake Brooks
guest vocals on track 6 by landon bell
guitar on track 7 by landon bell
lyrics on track 7 co-written by landon bell
electric guitar on track 9 by the mids
acoustic guitar on track 9 by landon bell
sampled guitar and vocals on track 10 by taylor prevost

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GØDWIN Illinois

23-year-old living in the middle of nowhere

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